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Dear Abby: He’s a smart young man, but I worry that his quirk will cost him a job

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As a parent, it can be difficult to see your child grow up and start their own family. While you may be thrilled to welcome a new son-in-law into your family, you may also have concerns about his behavior and how it may affect your daughter and your relationship with her. It’s natural to want to protect your child and make sure they are happy and safe. However, when it comes to your son-in-law, it’s important to approach the situation with caution and consideration.

First and foremost, it’s important to remember that your daughter is an adult and capable of making her own decisions. As much as you may want to, you cannot control her choices or her relationship with her husband. It’s important to respect their autonomy and not interfere in their marriage unless it is absolutely necessary.

That being said, if you have noticed some concerning behavior from your son-in-law, it may be worth having a conversation with him. However, it’s crucial to approach the situation with empathy and understanding rather than criticism or judgment. Remember, your son-in-law is a part of your family now and it’s important to maintain a positive relationship with him.

Before talking to your son-in-law, take some time to reflect on your concerns and how you want to address them. It may be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings to organize them. This will also help you to approach the conversation in a calm and respectful manner.

When you do talk to your son-in-law, choose a time and place where you both feel comfortable and relaxed. It’s important to have an open and honest conversation, but also to approach it with sensitivity. Begin by expressing your love for your daughter and your desire for her to be happy and fulfilled in her marriage. Then, calmly and respectfully address your concerns.

It’s important to use “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, instead of saying “You need to change your behavior,” say “I am concerned about the way you have been behaving lately.” This will help to avoid putting your son-in-law on the defensive and will make it easier for him to listen to your concerns.

Be specific about the behavior that is concerning you and how it is affecting your daughter. It’s important to stick to the facts and avoid making assumptions or accusations. This will help to keep the conversation productive and prevent it from turning into an argument.

Listen to your son-in-law’s perspective and try to understand where he is coming from. It’s possible that he may not be aware of how his behavior is affecting others. By having an open and respectful conversation, you can work together to find a solution that works for everyone.

It’s also important to keep in mind that your son-in-law may have a different upbringing or cultural background than you. This may influence his behavior and it’s important to be respectful and understanding of these differences.

If your son-in-law is receptive to your concerns, offer your support and guidance. Let him know that you are there for him and that you want to see him succeed in his marriage. If necessary, you can also suggest seeking professional help or counseling to address any underlying issues.

However, if your son-in-law becomes defensive or dismissive of your concerns, it may be best to step back and let your daughter handle the situation. Remember, it’s ultimately up to your daughter to address any issues in her marriage.

In conclusion, talking to your son-in-law about reining in his behavior can be a delicate and sensitive matter. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy, understanding, and respect. By having an open and honest conversation, you can address your concerns and work towards a positive and harmonious relationship with your son-in-law. Remember, at the end of the day, what matters most is the happiness and well-being of your daughter and your family.

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